We don't have that privilege ourselves - one set living in Malaysia and the other in the US. But when we do go home or they come to visit, it's like true heaven - not just to have a break, but also to see them bond with our little guy. It also means that they can focus on coddling him vs. telling us how to sit up straighter or brush our hair...! I jest...really, Mum!
For many of you though, having the grandparents nearby is a reality and you are certainly a blessed bunch.
But, that's not to say that everything runs smoothly all the time. Many grandparents these days are baby boomers who have a great level of independence, very busy lives and social calendar to match.
Sometimes, things can be left unsaid particularly with family who care for our kids because there is already such a strong relationship there. But perhaps it might be a good idea to empathise with them once in a while to better understand what they might be thinking.
Here's a quick list of things that grandparent babysitters might want you to know but may not have said so out loud.
*This list is most useful for the occasional babysitting grandparent vs. the full-time grandparent carer.
- Give me a shout in advance if you need my help. They're coming in an hour?! Those gorgeous kids do give me the run-around, so knowing they're coming to play means I'll reschedule that tax project and focus on getting a little shut-eye or meeting my friends for an earlier daily coffee instead. I definitely want to be in the right mood and shape when they arrive so we all have fun!
- Tell me what's developed with them recently. We don't see the grandkids very often. Particularly at a younger age, they develop so quickly and we may have missed out on what's changed with them since the last time we met. So please keep us informed of how any needs, habits, temperment and skills have changed. This means that we're so much more confident and able to look after them the way they need to be.
- You may need to bring food. If I can anticipate them coming over, I'll make sure that we have the pantry stocked with kid-friendly foods. But if you haven't had time to organise in advance - packing food they like to-go would be so much appreciated. That means we won't have to figure out how to make Muesli and Tofu yummy meals for them!
- Please bring extra clothes and diapers. Could you toss in at least 2 extra sets of clothes if they're around for the day and even more if it's an overnighter? We know how Murphy's Law works so we'll definitely have more than our expected share of accidents when they're over. I don't think grandpa's shorts will fit!
- Ask us first if they are sick. Unfortunately for us, we don't bounce back as quickly as we used to from illnesses. So, if the kids are sick, could you please let us know in advance so we can consider whether we'd be alright to take care of them? Runny noses don't bother us - we laugh in the face of sniffles! But if it was something serious like the flu and grandma caught it, we'd be in a bit of a bind that might knock us out for a couple of weeks or a month. So help us help you by making a calculated decision that's best for everyone.
- Remind them to be on their best behaviour, please. We just got our new 52" flat screen TV and right now, I'm a little worried that something might happen to it. So maybe reminding them that things are a little different at our house and asking them to be careful about touching or doing things without asking would be so appreciated. Heaven knows grandma will have to deal with grandpa is something does happen to the TV! But, you know we'll love them in spite of anything they could ever do!
- Be considerate of our schedules too. There's nothing we love more than spending time with our grandkids. But we often have alot of things going on in our social lives and commitments too. So if we have a work obligation at 9am or a pilates class at 10am, it would be great if you came to pick them up early so we could make our appointments without rushing.
- Give suggestions. A great way to make sure we have a fun time together would be to know what they'd enjoy doing whilst they are with us. So, perhaps a list of suggestions or a preferred activity routine (and supplies) would be wonderful. This means we won't have to think hard about what to do with them.
- Keep your mobile phones with you and on. We promise not to call unless we really need to, but don't assume that everything is always going to be under control. We just like knowing that you'll be around to answer any questions if we need help with the kids.
- Please be on time. Please respect us by being on time when you drop them off and pick them up. As far as possible, do what you say you will when you said you'd do it. Also, please don't leave them overnight unplanned without us expressing enthusiastically that we'd be okay with it. The kids do exhaust us after time with them and we'd like to be able to choose to extend the time with them vs. having it expected of us. Thanks so much!
- A little "Thank You" would be lovely. We babysit not for the thanks but because we love spending time with the kids and being able to help you out. But, we're also human and would love a little thank you sometimes so we know we're appreciated. [Note from Mei - Perhaps a little thank you note, an invite over for dinner or gift voucher for something nice would be appropriate.]
Grandparents all over the world help parents like us make it through our busy lives knowing that someone who utterly loves our children is caring for them. So let's put ourselves in their shoes once in a while and see how we can appreciate what they do and respect them in the process. Have you got any other suggestions of what you do with your grandparent babysitters that work well?
