Storm Clouds Ahead - 8 Warning Signs To Look Out For With Your Nanny
So you’ve hired your nanny after an anxious journey to this wonderful point! Congratulations!
From this point, a different journey starts – will he/she do as good a job as you need them to? I’d say most of the time, parents end up doing a great job of following your instincts and finding the right person for your child and family. But, with your kids, it's wise to remain vigilante – so it’s savvy to know if you’ve picked the right carrot out of the bunch.
What I wanted this article to be beyond a warning signpost, is to also highlight the difference between a normal teething issue vs. a real problem. So read on with perspective that we have a part to play in the relationship.
Here’s a quick cheat sheet on common warning signs to look out for with your nanny:
Anxiety of a whole different level
Who are we kidding? A child who's isn't clingy or doesn't suffer from separation anxiety when pulled away from their mum or dad is one in a million. Whether it be a new nanny or new childcare centre your little one has to get used to – there will be a “teething” period of a few weeks or months before they fully feel settled in their new situation.
Beyond a reasonable timeframe, if you child starts becoming overly anxious and withdrawn when the nanny arrives, your child may not be getting the kind of relationship that comforts them. It may be nothing else than a lack personal chemistry between them, but it could be a good enough reason to see if a better fit in nanny could make both you and your child happier with the arrangement.
Being late or tardy
Let's be honest, we're no saints ourselves – who hasn’t cancelled on or called a babysitter in at the very last minute? But, if your nanny is noticeably and consistently tardy on commitments to you without good reason, they may have other priorities that conflict with your needs or they may just not care enough about their role in your family. You want someone whom you know will be there for your child when you can’t. So this is often a sign of their personal character and level of commitment to doing what’s best for your children.
Accidents happen....but how much is too often?
My son literally got a new bruise every month between the ages of 1 and 3. They do that – tripping or knocking into things as they try to find their balance and mobility. And if you’re a parent like me who likes giving my child the opportunity to stretch himself – they’ll get banged up more often than not. The difference here lies in the kind and frequency of accidents and injuries that could be easily avoidable. Their job is to keep an eye on your child at all times to try to prevent it as much as possible. So inexplicable and frequent injuries that aren’t reasonable for a toddler could be reason to assess if your nanny is paying enough attention to your child’s safety.
Conflict of opinions
You, as a parent, will have a specific way you intend to raise and care for your child. A nanny, especially an experienced one, will also have certain techniques and values around how they wish a child to be cared for. In reality, sometimes never the twain shall meet.
Both parties should always be open to constructive input and feedback – always being willing to learn and adapt. As a parent, you should also understand that your nanny spends much of the day with your ever-changing child and may have insights that you wouldn’t have yourself. This is valuable to take note of. But, if you’re finding that it’s more like the “War of the Roses” (Driving a car into the side of the house notwithstanding) than a sharing of thoughts, it may mean you’ll never find a middle ground to suit both parties and the relationship might not be healthy in the long-term.
Are YOU talking to me?
When you get back home after a day at work or being out, you’re keen as beans to hear about your child’s day from your nanny. If you’re finding that they don’t take the time to talk to you about the ups and downs of your little one’s day, this should be rectified.
Communicating is important in any relationship. This helps you bond as a team and creates an easy environment in which to work together. But be fair and don't blindside them two months in. Discuss this as an expectation of them early in the relationship so it’s not a surprise.
For those who aren't native speakers of your language, discern the difference between their natural limitations in communicating vs. their reluctance to. It’s the latter that you should be wary of.
Hanging out at your digs
Over time, a nanny or babysitter may get really comfortable with your family – which is an ideal situation to have, really! But, if they start feeling “entitled” to bring friends or a date over whilst taking care of your child – and this hasn’t been agreed to with yourself properly – it may detract from their attention to your child’s care.
Be ready to talk about it openly at the outset and never feel cornered into saying “yes” if you’re not really comfortable with it. If you trust them and know that they will continue to be responsible, then this shouldn’t be a problem at all!
Pay attention to me!
Well, not “you” – but your child. If you find your nanny talking on the phone more often than not whilst they’re supposed to be watching out for your child at the playgrounds or on outings, they may not be paying enough attention to their responsibility as a carer.
How are you looking?
We’d all love to come home to our child who’s happy, healthy and most of all clean! If your child often looks unkempt or dirty at the end of the day – hygiene or clothing-wise – beyond reason (i.e. just returning from soccer practice or a mud fight at the playground!), it may be a sign that he/she isn’t taking enough care of their needs or bothering with it.
Take the time to mention this to them as something you’d like taken care of, and if nothing changes after that, it’s reason to review their ability to properly care for your child.
Trust your instincts
Sometimes, it’s not something really obvious but a little niggly feeling you have at the back of your brain that tells you something isn’t right with your nanny or the match just doesn’t seem to be there. If your child is old enough to communicate, it would be good to chat with them about the nanny to understand.
All things said, I'm a huge advocate of never assuming and always talking about it. I know certain conversations can get awkward. But you know as well a I do that finding the right person to care for our children is a really hard task. If you think you've found someone great, isn't it worth your while to give them every chance to succeed for both of you? So, talk about expectations upfront, keep talking regularly throughout the "onboarding" period, and continue the conversation thereafter so there's really a relationship between the two of you where honesty and cooperation reign. If things don't work out then, you can rest assured you've done everything you could have.
Have you been through any of these situations yourself? What did you do? Please share your experiences or thoughts with us, so others can benefit.
